Month: October 2006


Thursday night, September 28, 2006 was the night I was the happiest I ever remember being. I lay in bed with my foot touching my lover’s. I mouthed silently “thank you thank you thank you thank you…” to whatever God might be listening.

I knew in that moment that such elation was a transitory state. This too shall pass and all that. I knew then that I would again encounter sorrow and pain, and that as happy as I was, I would one day be equally distraught. I knew also that all the pain life could raise would be worth that moment of transcendental joy.

Now I’m in the darkness. I don’t recall ever feeling so lonely or broken or scared. I’m not surprised by my feelings, but the circumstances… How could a storm blacken the sky so quickly and totally? But such feelings are not built to last anymore than sublime happiness. This too shall pass and all that.

But I remember that ecstacy. I remember him and all the glorious feelings that overflowed from my being. I stand by it. That moment was worth it all… the pain I feel now and the pain to come. There will, of course, also be experiences of rapture, love, joy, and sweetness, and I welcome each one with open arms. Perhaps, if I’m lucky, and if I’m open enough, I’ll know a second moment like that Thursday night in September. That would be cool. And if not, praise God and Goddess for the one I had. I will always remember. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you…